The night before chemo I was still feeling somber inside after having to cut my hair. I wish I could say I did something to feed my spirit like, pray, read my Bible, or watch a sermon, but I did not. I put on my headphones and listened to my Bruno Mars Playlist and danced until I was tired. Eventually I went to bed and fell asleep fully prepared to be upset when I woke up and to cry during chemo. To my surprise I woke up feeling really good. I woke up singing a song that Bruno has never recorded and can only be found on SoundCloud called, “Today My Life Begins.” It is a very uplifting song, but as much as I like Bruno Mars’ music there is a time for everything. The morning of chemo was not the time for Bruno Mars. I needed Jesus to sing to me. So, after I listened to that one song, I immediately put my Jesus and me Playlist on shuffle. The first song that played was “There is a Balm in Gilead,” by Karen Clark-Sheard. One of the next songs that played was “Winning,” by Charles Jenkins. As I got dressed and did my version of getting dolled-up, I said, ‘I hear You, Jesus. We got this!”
Before I have my chemo infusions I have to see my oncologist first. I really like Dr. Mendoza and respect his medical opinion greatly. However, he and I were not in total agreement over the type of chemotherapy I opted for. It is the lowest and least toxic option out of the choices he gave me. He would’ve preferred that I do the mid-range treatment. That just didn’t work for me. I prayed about it and when Dr. Mendoza, my daughter and I first discussed it I thought we were on the same page, but we were not. I will do a total of 12 treatments with approximately 3 weeks between treatments, which turns out to be a total of 27 weeks, almost 7 months.
Ultimately, my body is not my own. Jesus paid a hefty price for me. And He gave me the peace and confirmation I needed that this was the way to go. So, if by chance there are some straggler cancer cells that remain after having surgery, doing chemo, radiation, making a radical change in my diet, and taking a hormone pill for 5 years, I FULLY trust that the blood of Jesus will arrest and deposit them back in hell. I declared today, in that Infusion Unit, I will NEVER have cancer again. And that is enough said about that!
My nurse, Arlene (pictured above), was an absolute joy! I think it was her smile that grabbed me when I asked her if she was camera shy, because I wanted to take a picture with her for this blog post. Obviously, she said she wasn’t and graced me with the honor of taking a picture with her. And I do count it as an honor. I could not imagine doing what she does everyday. The atmosphere and the people she treats with such great care are so sad. I could feel how much pain and sorrow many of them are carrying in their hearts. I get it. Cancer is a weighty issue. That’s why I have been saying that I don’t understand how people go through cancer without Jesus.
Yesterday, as I sat for the last 20 minutes of my treatment, the Lord whispered in my ear, “Trying to go through cancer without Me is a weighty issue indeed. For only My shoulders are broad enough and strong enough to carry it, which I already did for ALL mankind when I carried the cross up the mountain, was nailed to it, and gave up My life. Not only did I carry your cancer and the cancer of those you will come to know during this journey, but I defeated it on your behalf when I got up from the grave! Everyone has the same opportunity to receive from Me the promises I have secured for ALL who choose to invite Me into their hearts and build a relationship with Me. I am more than just a Healer, Deliverer, and Savior. I am also a Friend to ALL who choose to enter into relationship with Me. You will represent Me well in this place. For as you have often said, ‘To know Me [Jesus] is to love Me.’ They will come to know Me through you.”
Never did I imagine I would actually be excited to go to my next chemo treatment! How crazy is THAT! I go back on April 13th, the day before Good Friday. Isn’t God’s timing awesome! I am going to make Easter/Resurrection Sunday baskets for the Nurses Station and give out candy bags or something more “cancer friendly” that isn’t filled with sugar. But, from the looks on the faces of the people that were there yesterday, I honestly don’t think they will care. We’re getting pumped with poison anyway. I’m sure it can knock out the effects of the sugar from a Hershey’s Kiss or two. Probably the wrong way to look at it, but that’s how I see it today.
For Today, I am just resting with my BFF, feeling so very grateful He thought enough of me to give me this assignment. What I know for sure is that Infusion Unit will never be the same. I plan to leave it better than it was before I was “invited” to join them. Anyone who know me, knows what a big ray of SONshine I can be. I’m definitely going to respect everyone’s personal space, but Jesus and I are going to be unforgettable!