It seems with each chemo I learn a little more about myself. Yesterday’s treatment was tough. I didn’t feel well physically or mentally when I woke up. I just wasn’t feeling it yesterday. I didn’t want to have my finger pricked to check my white blood count, get weighed, have my blood pressure and temperature taken, then have my oncologist examine me and talk about any side effects I am experiencing so he can determine if the treatment needs to be modified in any way. And I DEFINITELY didn’t feel like having that needle inserted into the port in my chest! Even when they spray my chest some kind of spray the is supposed to ease the pain a bit before they do it, it still hurts. But, since not going wasn’t an option I rolled out of bed at 4:30 AM and started my day. My appointment was at 8:45 and the office is only about 15 minutes from my house, but I knew I would need every minute of the 3 1/2 hours to get myself together to go.
For this visit I ordered three dozen doughnuts from a fabulous bakery not far from my house and scheduled to pick them up at 7:30. When I arrived at the bakery there was a line of people, with their morning coffee in hand, out the door. That’s how good their doughnuts are! Mine were already prepared, boxed, and waiting at the counter for me. They were so fresh they were still warm. I couldn’t resist getting a dozen doughnut holes for my grand babies. I figure why not get them amped up on sugar, while they are visiting me. Watching my daughter handle her two rambunctious little ones the way I once had to handle my three little ones, always makes me laugh. 😂
My niece, DeAnna, arrived to take me to chemo a little after 8:00. When we arrived I told the young lady at the front desk I brought doughnuts and asked if there was somewhere I could place them and the napkins so anyone that would like one would be able to see them and serve themselves. She directed me to a counter just outside the Infusion Unit. Then another staff member corrected her and said I needed to put them in the conference room. When I did she asked me what company I was from. I laughed and said, “I am a patient.” She grabbed me and gave me the best hug and said almost in disbelief, “You brought these for us and the other patients!” I asked her if she could take two dozen into the Infusion Unit for me and we left the other dozen in the conference room for the staff. She insisted I go with her to the Infusion Unit to give them the doughnuts so they would know who they were from. I told her they didn’t need to know who they were from. I would be over there shortly anyway.
Next stop was the lab to have my finger pricked to check my white blood cell count to make sure it wasn’t too low to do the treatment. I’ve never asked what is a good number or what is too low. Whatever it is mine was good, because I was able to do the treatment. My visit with Dr. Mendoza, my oncologist, started off differently. He came in, sat in the chair, and said he started reading my blog. He said, “You never know what people have gone through.” I don’t remember his words verbatim but he said something like, “Ms. Ransome I had no idea you have been through so much. I’m so sorry those things happened to you. Yet, you come here with a smile and joy that you share with others.” His words really blessed me. I felt humbled and honored with his busy schedule he took time out to read my blog. He said I do a really good job of detailing my experience. He has the most calm, gentle, caring spirit. And like me, his default facial expression is a smile. At the end of the visit, I took our now customary selfie, and was ready for chemo.
Chemo itself was uneventful. Same drill, different day. My niece wasn’t prepared when my Infusion nurse, Nicole, inserted the needle into the port catheter in my chest. She cried. My heart hurt that it upset her and felt so very blessed that I have a family that loves and supports me so much that different family members, friends, and my fellow breast cancer warrior,Wanda, always ask if they can take me to chemo. Once she dried her tears, DeAnna and I talked the entire two hours we were there. The time flew by. After chemo she treated me to lunch at Panera. I hadn’t eaten anything for breakfast and was able to eat a half of a sandwich.
When I got home I immediately got into bed. I texted the four ladies that I know are true prayer warriors and am blessed to call my sister-friends asking them to please pray for me. I told them I couldn’t really explain how I felt. I just didn’t feel like myself. I was growing battle weary and felt like I was being beaten down from the inside out. They each responded with words of encouragement and prayer.
When I went to lie back down I thought over the events of the day. The smile on the young lady’s face when I picked up my doughnut order. She knew what the doughnuts were for and excitedly handed them to me. The staff member that gave me such a big hug when she realized I was a patient, not a pharmaceutical rep trying to woo them with some doughnuts. The smile on the phlebotomist’s face when I told her I brought doughnuts and she should go get one while they were still warm.The smile on Dr. Mendoza’s face as he shared his insights with me about my blog and his kind words. The tears my niece cried when she saw the needle pierce my chest and when she dropped me off at home, hugged me tight and said, “Thank you for letting me take you to chemo today, Aunt Lisa. I love you so much.”
Today, I discovered the thing that gets me out of bed everyday is love. Love is what makes me want to press pass what I feel like, put my feet on the floor each morning, and go wherever the day takes me. I just want to share with as many people as I can the warm, nonjudgmental, unconditional, never ending, love of Jesus that He so freely gives to me everyday.
For today, I am thankful that through all of the smiles, hugs, and even DeAnna’s tears, I was able to see Jesus. In each smile I could see Jesus looking back at me. And He was pleased. In each hug I felt His arms wrapped around me tightly. In Dr. Mendoza’s words I heard His voice reminding me He hasn’t changed. We have been through many battles together. Just as He was with me then. He is still with me now. In DeAnna’s tears I saw Him crying to remind me that He hurts when I hurt.
I don’t know what I will take with me when I go to my next appointment on May 25th. I have some time to think about it. The Easter candy bags at my second treatment and the doughnuts yesterday were such a hit maybe I’ll stick with keeping everyone high on sugar and take some scones and pastries. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. It amazes me how something as small and seemingly insignificant as candy and doughnuts, placed in the Master’s hands, given in love, can change the entire atmosphere of a place where people are sick, hurting, and scared. When I am finally finished with my treatments I just want them to know Jesus was there. I want to make Him unforgettable, especially for the patients that come by themselves. I want them to know in Him they are never alone. Any opportunity I am given I tell people it is JESUS they see in me. To know Him is to love Him. To love Him is to share Him.